What Do You Mean, Sir?

It's an obvious trend: We do things that we know promote our unhappiness. We refuse to remove ourselves from our self absorbed, unnecessary, privilige driven deteriorative ruts. It isn't enough to know what the problem is and fix it, instead we know what the problem is and put it on the back burner until we are so dysfunctional that it is unbearable and we break down, almost as though we "didn't see it coming" to be sure to not blame oneself for the demise. 

Balance is key and I am forgetting that I have absolutely no ability to balance my life. If I work one day too many my whole life is thrown off path. If I decide to clean I will clean the whole day until I can't find any time for anything else. 

I suppose it's called perfectionism, but if that was so then I would want that level of perfection for every aspect of my life and thus designate enough time for each activity, obligatory or voluntary. These inconsistencies are a constant bother. 

I suppose with my extra time (and by extra time I mean energy that isn't spent on people and things which have no future) I have time to over contemplate these ideas which are inherently arbitrary. 

I started drawing again and find myself really interested in religious art again. I think it's because it deals with an issue which has been done so many times and with such varying levels of expertise, yet the art still evokes such powerful emotional responses regardless of medium, dimensions, perspective or religious affiliation. 

Remember: Don't take things personally. It is what I say it is. 

All the power will shift. 

Not for all the tea in China

I miss you a lot today.

I just do.

Blase

I wonder sometime what would have happened if I had made different choices... if I had adhered to my mantras.
It's all about separating oneself from the "I" and the "Me".
"I'm humiliated"
"I'm hurt"
"I should have known"
"I'm sad"
"I wanted that"
When in actuality, I just need to shut the fuck up.

I salute you, because the next one is going to be tough. I thought I was cynical about all things "warm" before.
ooohwee.


A weight is lifted from our shoulders and placed on to our hearts.

Wallflower

It's been too long.
All apologies to whoever reads me.

It's been a dark couple of months. I have been in transit for as long as I can remember and all I want is a place to rest my head. I want my books in my room and my records playing and my clothes in a closet and not in a pile in the corner.
I need to do laundry.
I need to take a shower.
I need to be happy.
I need to stay busy.
I need to realize I am right.
I need to stop wanting/waiting/expecting.

It's amazing how sometimes, when the sun hits the street in a certain way, and the crowds part, and for one moment you can really feel peacefulness... everything is perfect.
"In that moment, you're infinite"

You allow yourself to be treated in a way that equates what you think you're worth.
I finally realized I was actually worth more.
I feel happy.

You shouldn't feel lonely around another person.

"You're a tall woman, and most can't be as tall" - I think he meant it figuratively speaking... but also literally.

I don't need a song for you to like me a little.