Goodnight Piano

It's like they always say.

I communicated some issues I was having to certain people in my life and an instant change was made.
I need to talk to you.


"This just isn't working out"

And, I am okay with that. I am excited for it. I get to meet "you" and do it all over again. I get to be unsure and unhappy and smiling and excited and dizzy...

You make me dizzy.

OOps

I wish I had never met you.
I wish nothing ever happened.

You told me this would happen and I refused to believe that I wasn't enough.

I am slowly turning into someone I hate and it will become the blind leading the blind.
I can't be like you; hating the prison I am confined to.

And the craziest part is that I was actually okay with it being like that.
I'm like a fucking masochist or something.
We all are, I suppose.
We do it to ourselves.
Your plague is contagious and I can't mistake pain for pleasure anymore.

You're amazing!

I am stuck in this place between being welcoming of responsibility and obligation and then terrifying myself once I have it. I either have too much or not enough to worry about.
I think I need a vacation.

Financial constraints have to be the some of most suffocating barriers to overcome. I feel as though I am entitled to have certain things when in actuality I have done nothing to deserve them. It's a paradox in and of itself because I actually have nothing to complain about.

remember: everywhere you go, it's the same blue sky.
The concept I discovered which taunts me every single day.

I am sick of school.
I am sick of being told what to do and how to do it and why and when and for how long.

I'm in a place where I have once again become dependent on something which is dictating my happiness. I have become weak and pathetic.

What is it that is fulfilling? Do I have any interests, or interesting things to say, or interesting people to say things to?

I cringe thinking about next semester and taking 5 classes 2 days a week in hopes of actually doing well, as opposed to the reality of my inevitable meltdown.
And if you go wrong or change, I'll be done for.

I got 2 kittens a couple of days ago. Just watching them gives me so much happiness.
They rely on me. Are they already an obligation?
(As I wrote that my kitten Books came over and sat on my shoulder, as if to assure me it's not the case)

You need to get out of my head.

Everyone needs to be honest again.

Time Flies

It's been just about a month since my last post. I suppose the delay in updates can be attributed to my overall lack of inspiration in Los Angeles as well as the hectic-ness of packing up my whole life in boxes to ship back to New York.
I am currently in the process of finding a place of my own to live and being a pretty good sport about living out of a suitcase.

The city is humid and mucky and rainy and hot. It's perplexing to me how this city can be so extreme in regards to its weather... although it's pretty extreme in the general sense also.

Aside from being slightly malnourished and rather wilted from the effects of the sweltering heat, I am ecstatic to be back here. It's a bit quieter than I remember but that's most likely because I am either busier or less busy than before... I can't put my finger on which one it is.

I want to thank Acat for asking what the reason for my delay in writing was.
Thank you and there will be more to come.