I think there's something rather ironic about my inability to differentiate between dreams and reality. It facilitates this dreamlike quality to manifest itself throughout my life through different people, experiences, places and times.
Sometimes I'm awake and couldn't feel more like I am living in a dreamless night. In dreams I sometimes feel more emotion than I allow for reality. Maybe this is why I am plagued at times by nightmares, dreams of suffocation and loss, etc etc etc.
I suppose this is relevant because I have had a few dream-like experiences in real life over the last few months that eventually lead to my questioning what exactly was even real about the people, places and events. It instills this sense of an ever present nostalgia for something that I can't quite put my finger on. I guess nostalgia is rather vague in and of itself, anyway.
It's almost like I am so bored with real life that I dream to escape that boredom that I cannot control. I also try to create and facilitate any and every situation that might be (in any way) an exciting prospect. I enjoy the teeth pulling awkwardness of the night, day, week, month after and create fantasies about said events until what was real is a memory almost as vague and blurry as a dream. It all seems rather circular and contradictory in nature.
But things are good. They have to be.
